second try

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Love Will Remain

Having been unusually sleep deprived the last two days (sickness mixed with two new teeth in my littlest- not a good combination!) I have noticed how much harder it has been to keep my patience with my children over small things, particularly in the morning. Well, and early afternoon when I needed a nap, didn't get one and neither did the baby get much of one. Of course I apologized to my kids, but, seriously, 2 days in a row of grumpy mom? It's definitely not nice and definitely a poor reflection of the heart of my Father God for my kids.

As I was driving after losing it at the bank parking lot (in patience and kindness of tone) with my oldest over a lost shoe and a cascading effect of inconveniences resulting from the lost time, including being late to my next appointment, I somehow, at some point chose to relax. These were things that I could not control. My spirit, words and attitude I can always control. And it had been a struggle I did not win for a while because I did not choose love, which NEVER fails. My poor three year old had told me she put the shoe in the bushes, which I did look in multiple times. I think she had just been trying to suggest places it might be, even though she did not comprehend the fact that it would not have been there if she had not put it there. And so after all of that unkindness and expecting too much from a three year old I began to relax a little. 

Eventually, after the cascading effect of setbacks and their various ramifications, I chose to choose a better attitude: LOVE. 

Appointments can come and go but children do not. They are here to stay- for not long enough- and learn to handle life by how I do. I am shaping how they respond to setbacks and difficulty. I am showing them their worth in how I choose to be patient with them in their little person sized abilities and communication. I can posses everything but if I do not posses love, or become possessed by Love, I am nothing. All I have done is nothing. All I have is nothing.

Choosing love today, finally, gave me the opportunity to be thankful that God was revealing to me an untended area of my heart that is ugly and needs to be given over to Love. I think it was once a better garden, but it's the little things that spoil it, and quickly. Keeping a garden at our home has always caused me to marvel that the unwanted, ugly and pesky plants are usually the only ones that grow quickly. The troublemakers seem to grow with no care given to them. Only constant, steady hand picking will keep the weeds out that will ruin a garden. It is the good plants that grow slowly and require nurturing, patient planning and care. God showed me that the garden of my heart has a problem area. It is his kindness to do so before I joyfully welcome the night shift with a hungry little newborn in a few months. Lack of sleep is no excuse to to abstain from the fruits of Holy Spirit and the foremost thing of love. And by the way, neither is pregnancy an excuse to cease flowing with the character and nature of God! He gave us marriage, friends, family and children as a blessing and a joy, not to rob ours. It is our own shortcomings to respond in a nature other than love.

So my prayer today is, "Lord, remove from me everything that stands in the way of love every day and in every way. I trust in your faithfulness that you will consume and burn up every evil weed that has found a home in the soil of my heart. I trust in you that Love will remain, and you will remember to complete the good work you have begun in me."


  1. Wow! That's convicting April : ) Of course I am well aware of areas in my heart that need tending. And love is the hub that the other fruit flow out of for sure--first and foremost receiving the love of God! If I could just flow in love all the time. It's just that it's more challenging to implement living love versus just knowing what love looks like because it's kind of a paradox. Yes love is a choice we always have but real love, the Agape kind you're talking about here, flows from the Holy Spirit within rather than from my own strength and effort/flesh. Sometimes the two can look the same to the outside observer but one has an external starting point of behavior versus the inside out reality of drawing from the deep wells of the Holy Spirit within. Where does this love come from? Tonight I was so frustrated b/c after a long string of bedtime drama with Eden, at around 10pm when Eden had just barely finally gone to sleep, Abigail woke up and wouldn't be comforted. After saying, "Oh my gosh!" aloud in frustration several times, I realized where my heart was and changed it into "Thank you God for little Abgail, bless her Lord, surround her with your love and goodness, let your peace saturate her etc...Then I layed down with her and started to relax and feel His peace coming to me. Anyway, I can totally relate and you are right, there are no excuses valid for being unloving when we have the full storehouse of the Holy Spirit living within. Still walking in the Spirit and not in the flesh is something that I desire yet I seem to not be doing that more than I do. Argh! Help me Lord! Well, I love this post! Thanks for being transparent here and for being such an inspiring friend : )

  2. my sweet friend! so glad you stopped by my blog today to say hello! i didn't know you had a blog, too. i'm following it now. and super excited to read that you're expecting #3. wow. what a beautiful mama you are!
    praying for you during this exciting time!